1. Am I the only one that thinks Scotty Mccreery from American Idol looks just like if Howdy Doody took up country music?
2. Why don't we make an alarm clock that sounds like my pet puking? I know that at three in the morning, NOTHING will wake me up quicker than hearing my cat about to puke on the rug.
3. Why is it that when you mention you got a virus on your computer, it feels like you just told them you have an STD? "I wasn't looking at porn lady, I just opened an email from my mother!!!"
4. If all it takes for women to show their boobs is beads, can someone please tell me WHERE to buy some beads?
5. Why are the abused animal commercials the longest ones on TV? Do they really have to play the entire "Eyes of an Angel" song? How about you just give me the chorus and get back to my show please?
6. We have Cityville, Farmville, Childrenville, Planetville, Aquariumville, Rodentville, Mafiaville, all on Facebook. Why can't we have an IDON'TCAREVILLE!!!! or a GETALIFEVILLE?
7. Am I the only one that giggles every time I'm "poked" on Facebook?
8. Are we truly bad people? I say "YES", because I was stuck in traffic for like a half an hour and all I kept saying was, "There better be a good wreck up here that's caused this."
9. We have cell phones, camera phones, Skype, video conference, and all sorts of technology at out fingertips to let us talk to people while seeing them. Why is it that whenever I watch some CNN or FOX news channel, they do an interview with someone and there is like a 20 second delay. So you get this.
Interviewer: "So tell us Ted. What do you think about the oil shortage?"
Ted: . . . . . 5 seconds. . . . . . . . . (blank stare). . . .10 seconds . . . . . (glances off camera). . . 15 seconds. . . . . . . . .(looks back at camera). . 20 seconds. . . . . . . .(finally starts to get the question). . . . . ."It sucks Bob. It sucks bad."
I mean if they want to borrow my Skype account, go right ahead!!!
10. Who do clowns invite to entertain THEM at their kids party? An Accountant?
11. Why are "morning people" so smug?
12. If Donald Trump runs for President, I can't wait for the boardroom meetings with the other politicians. YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!
13. If Charlie Sheen is "Winning", how screwed up do you have to be to be "Losing"?
14. If Bruno Mars sings "I'd catch a grenade for ya. Throw my hand on a blade for ya. I'd jump in front of a train for ya." Don't you think that girl is asking a lot out of you? I mean, I'll do a lot for my wife, but when she starts asking me to KILL MYSELF for her, I might start questioning our relationship.
Okay. Times up.
SMILE!!!
4. If all it takes for women to show their boobs is beads, can someone please tell me WHERE to buy some beads?
5. Why are the abused animal commercials the longest ones on TV? Do they really have to play the entire "Eyes of an Angel" song? How about you just give me the chorus and get back to my show please?
6. We have Cityville, Farmville, Childrenville, Planetville, Aquariumville, Rodentville, Mafiaville, all on Facebook. Why can't we have an IDON'TCAREVILLE!!!! or a GETALIFEVILLE?
7. Am I the only one that giggles every time I'm "poked" on Facebook?
8. Are we truly bad people? I say "YES", because I was stuck in traffic for like a half an hour and all I kept saying was, "There better be a good wreck up here that's caused this."
9. We have cell phones, camera phones, Skype, video conference, and all sorts of technology at out fingertips to let us talk to people while seeing them. Why is it that whenever I watch some CNN or FOX news channel, they do an interview with someone and there is like a 20 second delay. So you get this.
Interviewer: "So tell us Ted. What do you think about the oil shortage?"
Ted: . . . . . 5 seconds. . . . . . . . . (blank stare). . . .10 seconds . . . . . (glances off camera). . . 15 seconds. . . . . . . . .(looks back at camera). . 20 seconds. . . . . . . .(finally starts to get the question). . . . . ."It sucks Bob. It sucks bad."
I mean if they want to borrow my Skype account, go right ahead!!!
10. Who do clowns invite to entertain THEM at their kids party? An Accountant?
11. Why are "morning people" so smug?
12. If Donald Trump runs for President, I can't wait for the boardroom meetings with the other politicians. YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!
13. If Charlie Sheen is "Winning", how screwed up do you have to be to be "Losing"?
14. If Bruno Mars sings "I'd catch a grenade for ya. Throw my hand on a blade for ya. I'd jump in front of a train for ya." Don't you think that girl is asking a lot out of you? I mean, I'll do a lot for my wife, but when she starts asking me to KILL MYSELF for her, I might start questioning our relationship.
Okay. Times up.
SMILE!!!
3 comments:
To #4....
http://www.firemountaingems.com/?WT.srch=1&engine=adwords!3022&keyword=beads&s_kwcid=TC|4981|beads||S|e|6392138180
Thanks John!!! Big help.
OH this was your best one yet! They are all sooo funny and SOOOO TRUE!!! Especially the alarm clock one! You are SOOO RIGHT about that!!! :) Thanx for making me laugh today - I needed it!
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