TV 101: Feeling better about yourself!

TV has it's good and it's bad.  There are shows that can lift you up, make you laugh, make you sad, make you feel all kinds of emotions that leaves a lasting impression on you.  "Back in the day", the final episode of M.A.S.H. made you feel joy and sadness all in the final ten minutes of that show.  The Sopranos left you hanging as Journey sang those famous words from "Don't Stop Believing", and most recently for me, as Scrubs came to it's final episode, I found a sense of sadness because I truly didn't want to say goodbye to my "friends" that worked at Sacred Heart Hospital.  They then had to throw in my one big weakness . . . .MUSIC. . . .to put the final nail in the coffin of my tear ducts as I watched J.D.'s final daydream montage and Peter Gabriel sang, as only he can, a truly moving song, Book of Love, that I now love and pushed this into one of my favorite, and least favorite,TV moments. 

TV is an amazing creature and with the recent bombardment of "Reality" programs, a whole new set of emotions comes into play. 

You can have Jealousy from watching a show like Cribs that shows you inside the celebrity mansions and all the toys that they spend their millions on.  I'm sorry, but watching Lil Bow Wow show off his fleet of cars when he was NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE, was almost too hard to take.  For me, I see the extravagance, and want to know where I went so wrong in my life.  Will someone PLEASE give me MY 15 minutes???

Anger can also come into play when you watch those shows that have no merit or purpose other than to show untalented humans in unreal situations.  Jersey Shore, The Kardashians, The Girls Next Door, and Kendra could all be examples of this type of show.  These are people that must have made such a deal with the Devil for their stardom.  Please don't try to tell me that Kendra is known for her acting skills.  Her claim to fame is for latching on to Hugh Hefner long enough to get her own deal out of it.  I have a feeling that on her application, all you see is an imprint of her boobs.  So the anger comes from WHY?????

The next emotion is Empathy.  We get sucked into some strangers story and we feel we know them.  We try to understand what brought them to this point.  Examples for this would be some of the stories from American Idol (just watch the story on that guy with the fiance in the wheelchair), Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, (we refuse to watch this because it will make Linda cry), and go ahead and pick any "true story" on Lifetime.  These drag you in and try to make you care about the person and the story that you are watching.

Then there is Indifference.  We watch, but we just don't really care about the people at all that we are seeing.  Shows like Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, ANY show that follows a Hollywood business like plastic surgery or tanning,  and ANY House Hunter show.  I don't care if Serge buys house Number 2 or 3.  I'm in real estate and I know that usually there is house number 26 and 32 to consider.  I don't care about the outcome of these people.  They already have it good so why bother making it better for them?

Now some shows like to hit our Competitive nature.  They pit friends, couples, families and strangers against each other to achieve the "ultimate" prize.  Survivor, Big Brother, American Idol, Amazing Race, and The Apprentice are all examples of this phenomenon.  We will sit there and watch week after week as one by one our favorites get eliminated by judges, themselves, or the World.  We root for our favorite and will fight for them with our co-workers if they are against our pick for the "next star".

Now we come to my favorite.  The shows that bring me JOY and Happiness.  The funny shows that you don't have to take too serious because their whole purpose is to make you laugh.  As a kid, my favorite show was the Muppet Show.  I still love that show and, due to one late night alone when I was single, I now have the entire Muppet Show on DVD and all it took was ONE PHONE CALL.  There have been some good comedy shows and some really bad ones.  One of the worst I can think of off the top of my head was Rosanne.  #1.  Rosanne Barr is NOT funny and #2.  They tried to tackle too many controversial topics for the time.  It's a comedy folks.  Don't make me uncomfortable!!!  My all time favorite comedy had to be Scrubs.  I loved that show and as covered in the beginning, I hated to see it end.  I gave up on comedy after Scrubs went away for some time, but with The Big Bang Theory and Modern Family, my faith is restored again in the genre.  They AIN'T Scrubs, but they will do in a pinch.

The last type I'm going to address has given me a problem in coming up with one emotion to pigeonhole it into.  I get Joy, Sadness, Laughter, Peacefulness, Shame, Pity and a real "Holier than thou" response out of these.  I mean, that the mere fact of watching these shows makes me feel better about myself.  Some perfect examples of these types of shows would be:  Redneck Wedding, Bad Girls Club, ANY relationship show on MTV, World's Dumbest, etc.   These shows show you the underbelly of society.  Take Redneck Wedding.  Anyone that thinks camouflage makes a perfect wedding dress has some SERIOUS issues.  If roadkill becomes decorations for your wedding, you have some SERIOUS issues.  If instead of exchanging vows, you exchange your chewing tobacco, YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES!!!!  Trust me, I get it! You are Redneck, but do you have to prove it on national TV.  I will say though, I feel so much better about myself after watching that show.  YEEEEEEE  HAWWWWWWW I'm semi-normal!!!! 

But there is a newer show that to me was the whole reason I wanted to write this "puke".  I will admit that I watch it every week, partially thanks to Linda, but partially because it just takes me to my "happy place".  I'm able to watch this show and be reminded that maybe, just maybe, I'm not that bad of a parent, spouse, or person. It's a full hour of head shaking, snorting, rewinding just to make sure we did see what we just saw, and an overwhelming sense of peace that I am not like this, and my parents weren't like this.  Maybe some of you have guessed the show I'm talking about by now, but in case you haven't, I'm talking about . . . . . . .wait for it. . . . . . Toddlers and Tiaras!!!!!!

What a visit into a horrible, horrible world.  It's like hopping on an amusement ride called, "Holy Crap" and being taken through the fun house known as kiddy pageants.  For those of you that haven't watched this little gem, it follows the world of kids beauty pageants.  It shows you the kids, the parents, and everything that happens for these little tyrants to get up on that stage and "strut their stuff".  Not only do you get to see the kids embarrass themselves, but you also get to see the two creatures that spawned them, their parents.  It's usually just the mom you get to see, but on rare, special occasions, the dad is right there to show off his stupidity.  Trust me when I say that if you are a parent, WATCH THIS SHOW!!!  It is a free lesson on what NOT to do with your kids if you want them to turn out okay.  I give you a sample:

How many of you just sat there and said, "I can't believe this.  Do you know what would have happened to me if I would have done this as a kid with my parents?"  I will tell you this, I would STILL be drinking out of a straw and not remembering too much of my childhood due to head trauma.  Watching the way the parent pander and bend to these little Diva's wills is an incredible thing to watch.

The other side of it is watched what lengths these parents will go to for these stupid, "Future Stripper" pageants.  You will usually see a shot of the lovely home, which usually involves the words Mobile and Home being together.  Then you will hear them talk of all the money they spend on getting these Divas ready for their big debut at the "Little Miss Hog Holler Pageant" in some Midwest state.  Thousands spent on a dress, hundreds spent on fake teeth, tanning, hair, nails, and my favorite, pageant lessons.  The "lessons" usually entail some lady standing there while the girl runs around and tells everyone "NO!  I don't want to do that.  Kiss my Butt Mommy." (the mom will usually kiss it BTW)  Throw in the travel, hotel, meals and entrance fees, and they have invested literally, THOUSANDS of dollars on EACH pageant.  I'm sure you are saying, "But they have a chance at winning right?  That must pay well?"  Here's the kicker for ya.  Most times, the winning prize isn't over $500!!!!!   That's right!  You sink $3,000-$5,000 into something that you are going to get $500 at most out of doesn't seem like a good investment if you ask me!   

THEN, you get to watch the "Future Bambi of America Pageant" in all it's glory.  Now the editors of the show can really make it sound as though there are hundreds of people in the audience cheering for the little Divas, but strangely, you can only see about 20 people in the room and THEY AIN'T CLAPPING.  They all have this, "Dear God get me out of here." blank stare on their faces.  So you watch as each "contestant" does their thing wondering the whole time, WHY?  If I saw a girl walking down the street like these little freaks walk, I would seriously consider crossing the street to get away from this female robot coming at me.  Now being kids, they tend to get tired as the day rolls on.  So what does any good parent do in this high pressure situation?  They cram Red Bull and Pixie Stixs in the kids at dosages that would wake the dead!!!   I watched one little girl polish off 10 Pixie Stixs after her parents gave them to her, and then watch the parents wonder WHY SHE WAS NOT FOCUSED!!!!   It's because she's about to go into a sugar coma you idiots!!!!   What a great way to get your kids prepared for cocaine.  "Here Suzy.  Roll a dollar and snort some Cherry sugar to get you "in the zone".  Now wash it down with a Red Bull."  I'm waiting to see a kid actually explode onstage.  There are so many more fine points that I could talk in depth about, but I think I got my point across, which is. . . . WATCH THIS SHOW!!!!  I need the ratings to stay up so they go another season. 

So thank you Hollywood for bringing me pure joy in myself for the way I'm parenting.  Thank you for letting me see America's "Sweethearts" and their families in all their dysfunctional glory.  The next time you happen to be feeling down and need a pick me up.  Don't reach for the bottle, don't reach for that ice cream, just reach for the remote and get yourself a heaping dose of Toddlers and Tiaras,  you'll thank me!!!!

SMILE!!!