Trip down memory lane Pt. 1

(I'm pretty sure I will be taking these trips back to my childhood periodically, so I'm just going to call this Pt. 1.)

Let me just start out by saying, I came from a time where getting spanked was usually a daily activity and 99.9 times out of 100, I DESERVED IT.  In fact, to me, it really WASN'T a good day, until I got spanked.  That meant at least that I had some fun.  There was no taboo on spanking your kid, heck, many times it turned into a neighborhood sporting event.  Parents would run around like some scene from the Frankenstein movie.  Pitchforks and torches in hand. . .  "Get the Sweitzer kid!!!!  That boy needs a spanking!!!  He just ain't right. His mom must have dropped him on his head."  It was just an understood form of "tough love" to kids all over the neighborhood.  You knew that if you screwed up, your parents were going to find out about it from someone. All kids were fair game.  It was really nothing to see your friend that didn't go home when the street light came on,  get spanked ALL the way back to their house by their mom.  It was like a Wild West cattle herd that you saw on TV, only it took place in the Suburbs with children.  It usually happened this way.

*Explanation Break*
First however, I need to explain a few things to those that don't know about the importance of the street light.  "Back in the day", us kids only had one form of telling time.  We didn't have a cell phone to look at to see the time, we didn't bother with wearing a watch because that would have just gotten in the way, and there was NO CHANCE we were going to ask someone what time it was because that would have cost us valuable playing time.  Nope, the only form we needed was. . . the STREET LIGHT.   Yep, such a simple creation but very important to kids and parents all around the suburbs.  You see, the street light would come on just around dusk, and that was when it was time to go home. It was the neighborhood signal for all children to head inside to bathe (or at least act like you took a bath), eat dinner, and watch something on the three channels that you got on your 13 inch TV.  The street light, such a wonderful method of time if you ask me.

Second, KIDS PLAYED OUTSIDE!!!!  I know that is a weird concept, but we really did live in a different time.  We didn't have all the entertainment inside the house that the kids have now so we had to go out and create our own entertainment.  I would pretty much wake up, eat a sugar infused cereal that would get me going (my Redbull), throw on my play clothes, which usually would be the same ones from the day before, and then head out for the day only to be seen once for lunch and then at night when the street light came on.  There was so much to do and so little time to do it in.  I had the blessing of having a huge amount of woods behind my house full of creeks, trails, and dirt.  There was so much I could do back there from playing Army, riding the trails, hiding the neighbors Playboys that we "borrowed" so we could "read the articles", catching crayfish hoping they didn't pinch us, and to just get as dirty as possible until the only way I was getting back into the house was by getting hosed down from mom in the backyard.  I'm telling you right now, there was NOTHING like a freezing spray down from the hose while you stood there in your underwear.  Mom didn't give a crap about your self esteem at that moment.  You were NOT dragging dirt into her house.  That was another neighborhood show that was one for the ages.  "Let's go out and see the Sweitzer kid get hosed off wearing nothing but his underwear.  Bring the 8mm camera Marge, we might want to film it."

Most kids now however, you have to leave a trail of Playstation games that lead outside just to get them to
go outside.  They stumble out into the sun and you would swear you were watching a scene from a Vampire movie, NOT TWILIGHT.  Their overly white, pale bodies look almost translucent.  Then once they get out there, they DON'T know what to do.  They just stand there and look like a crack addict that needs a fix.  Of course, their fix is the internet, video games, or TV.  I like to pretend I'm watching a nature show.

Tonight on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.  We will view a rare sight.  A teenager outside of the house.

Narrator: "Oooo.  Look.  We can see the rare form of the domesticated U.S. teenager that has just been released into the wild.  Look at its scared face as it looks around quickly for some way to get back inside its domain.  You can tell it's nervous by the random glances back to the now closed front door.  Now look.  The teenager has taken a few steps farther away from the front door as it realizes that it is stuck outside.  Look at the pale complexion on the creature and how the beads of sweat are already forming on his brow due to the strain of actually walking outside.  It appears as though it is quite content to just stand there.  Now it appears to be reaching in it's pockets for some item.  It seems to be a small device with headphones.  The teenager now implants the earbuds inside his ears and just stands there and bobs his head.  These truly are seditary creatures".

*Explanation Break Over*

So now that I've laid the groundwork, let's go back to the Suburb cattle herding scenario.

You and your friend would be playing outside, eking out the very last moments of fun before the day ended.   "What did playing involve?" you might ask.  It involved usually just running around like a bunch of idiots with ADHD.  You would either chase lightning bugs with tennis rackets (they were like shooting stars),  playing catch with a baseball in pretty much total darkness (smart we weren't), or just doing nothing but sitting and talking while the mosquitoes impersonated Dracula and sucked the last drops of blood out of you sending you to bed itching yourself all over.  How we didn't get malaria is beyond me.

The street light had been on for awhile now and you and your friend knew the end was near.  Then you would hear the voice from down the street.    "Timmmmmyyyyyyy".  You and Timmy would look at each other and by some form of mental telepathy tell each other to act like we didn't hear it and resume playing.  Five minutes later, you would hear the banshee shriek a little louder, "TIMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!".  Once again, we would convince ourselves that by some form of hearing disability, we once again didn't hear Timmy's mom.  There were still lightning bugs to turn into sick little comets, so back to work.  Ten minutes later, it would finally happen.

Being that it was now so dark out that the ONLY light we had was the street light, we didn't see the wrath that was heading our way.  Timmy's mom got sick of yelling and decided to take a more pro-active role in the herding of poor little Timmy home.  One second Timmy was swinging at a poor defenseless lightning bugs glowing booty, and the next, Timmy was being grabbed by the unseen creature known as MOTHER.  Sometimes the darkness was in the parents favor you see. Timmy would let out a yelp that would let me know that there was a disturbance in the Force.   "Why didn't you come when I called you.",  was the next words I would hear from this thief in the night.  "I didn't hear you!"  was the best response that Timmy could come up with on such short notice.  "GET HOME!!!" Mother Creature would yell and then you would see that she stopped to grab a weapon on her way there. . . .A SWITCH!!!!

*Explanation Break*  For those that don't know the rules back then, your parents could beat your behind with anything, and I MEAN ANYTHING, that was within reach of them.  I've been spanked with spoons (wooden and metal), belts, paddles, paint stir sticks, Matchbox car tracks (the orange ones), limbs off trees (that's a switch), and I swear Mom once spanked me with the dog, wrong place, wrong time for him. *Explanation Over*

Timmy's mom would bring that switch down on Timmy's behind to get his attention.  WHACK!!!!  Timmy would let out a yelp to let me know that she connected.  "GET HOME!!!"  she would yell again now that she had his attention.  The kid herding has just begun. The two of them would disappear in the darkness but I could still hear the chaos.  "GET HOME!!!"  *WHACK*  "AGHHHHH"  *WHACK* "GO!!!!!!"  *WHACK*  "AGHHHHHH.  Stop it"  I knew then that I had better get inside before MY mother came looking for me.  The yells would fade off down the street, but just before little Timmy "gave up the ghost" he would yell his last dying words to me.  "I'll SEE YOU TOMORROW!!!"  Then inside I would go to count down the moments before I could go outside again and do it all again.  It was truly an awesome time to be a kid.

SMILE!!!