Mommy Time!!!!!!!

Well it was either "puke" about Osama or Mothers, but since I have a real weird taste in my mouth about the Osama thing, I'm going to head on over to Mom Land and sit a spell.  Hope you don't mind!  The only thing I will say about the Osama thing is SHOW THE DANG PICTURE!!!!!  I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!  Trust me.  I've seen all seven Saw movies, every Friday the 13th, and 10 minutes of Jersey Shore. . . . I can handle horror folks!   They/we had no problem airing the beheading of an American at their hands, so I truly don't see what the big deal is.  (Climbs off Soap Box)  So it's off to the safety of Mommy Land for me.  I don't know how much comedy is going to be in this one, so bear with me if you will.  I have no clue where I'm going yet.  Let's take the journey together shall we?

With Mother's Day on the horizon, I think it's only appropriate to discuss Mothers everywhere and to give thanks for what they have done and to give them some "Mad Props" for putting up with each and every one of us.  In the case of me, my Mother TRULY deserves a medal for putting up with the crap I have put her through.  Don't believe me, ask her!
What is a Mother?  What constitutes Motherhood?  What qualifications are needed to be deemed Mother worthy?  Well if what I saw at Universal Studio's this past weekend was any indication, it really takes NO QUALIFICATIONS to be considered a Mother.  Anyone can do it, but they can't all be good.

We were at Universal Studio's with some friends this past weekend in order to enjoy the park, watch the Mardi Gras parade, and to see the free concert offered that evening.  So after a long day of walking around the park, we all decided to find us a place to sit down in order to have a great viewing area for the parade.  We ended up finding a perfect spot, took a seat on the curb,  and had roughly forty five minutes to wait until the parade begins.  As we sat there, my wife turned to me and said, "Scott.  Look across the street at those kids." I glanced across the street and at first I didn't see what was going on that warranted my attention.  I just saw a lady and two kids in strollers sitting there.  The kids were probably 1-2 years old and nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I noticed that they both were chewing on something.

(Insert double take and a squint here)  Upon further review, I noticed that the kids were in fact chewing on something and this something was the flip flops from the ladies feet that sat in front of them.  THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!  I'll give you a second to let that sink in . . . . . . . . . . . gag . . . . .  . . . . . . Okay.  Time's up.  This "Mother" had decided to take her flip flops off, THAT SHE HAD BEEN WEARING ALL DAY, and hand them to her precious bundles of joy in order to let them exercise their teeth on whatever funk was on those puppies.  By the look of her filthy black bare feet, there was PLENTY OF FUNK to go around.  Now all of a sudden it was like a train wreck.  I couldn't look away!!!!   All I could do was sit there and watch as the one child held this flip flop like it was the greatest thing EVER and gnaw on it like it was a Popsicle.  I was shocked, amazed, amused, and disgusted all at the same time, and trust me when I say,  "That was a lot of emotion to go through over this rare parenting feat."  I was half tempted to scrape up the gum that was stuck to the sidewalk next to me and carry it over for the lady to give them as a night time snack.  Surely they would love a piece of ABC peppermint gum with a pebble and a hair in it wouldn't they?   Yummy!!!!  Hard to compete with the flavor of Theme Park and feet though I imagine.  It just seemed like this lady must have missed Parenting Tip #5. .  . .  Under NO circumstances are you to hand your child your USED footwear as a chew  toy.   There are germs that could be passed to them and their breath will smell like FEET!!!!!

So since anyone can pretty much be considered a Mother, then what makes a truly great Mother? 

I truly don't think there can be a blueprint here.  I think one of the cool things about being a parent is that you are able to adapt your style of parenting to fit the child you are taking care of.  Some kids need kindness.   Some need understanding.  Some need support.  Some, as in the case of me, need discipline.  That's what makes Mother's so great.  They have to learn to adapt on the fly.

In the era that I grew up in, it was a completely different family unit than what we have now.  We didn't have my mom working while growing up, so in essence, most of my upbringing came from my mom because Dad was usually at work.  You didn't have both parents working usually, so that's just how it happened.  Mom took care of the house and Dad took care of the money.  I really think that Mom drew the short straw while looking back.

Now what made our family a little different was that all three of us siblings were adopted.  First my brother, then my sister, and then the greatest was saved for last. . . . . ME!!!!   Once my folks had me in their arms, they just KNEW that they couldn't improve on me, so that was it, no more kids needed.  People have asked me if there is a difference in being adopted and I have to say that there is, but it doesn't mean that we didn't have the same love in our house that others had.  I was adopted roughly 2 months after my birth.  My parents came home from vacation and there was a message from the adoption agency that I was all set to go.  They ran right over and got me and the rest is history.  Yeah, it's kind of boring, but I like to picture it more like this to add some flare to it.

(Screen goes blurry as I go to fantasy land)

My parents decided to adopt one more child because my sister and brother  . . . . "just weren't right".  They needed a child that was going to be perfect in every way because they already knew that the two they already had weren't going to be that child.  So off to the Baby Store in the Mall.  They walked in and could see to the right, all the little cages with babies in them.   (For those of you that have seen a puppy store in the mall, this visual is working for you.)  They walked up to the glass and started looking at all the little babies that were up for adoption.  They saw a little girl but, after the experience they were having with my sister, they knew they didn't want another one of them.  So they kept looking. 

They could see babies rolling around in their cages, some screaming for attention, some sleeping peacefully, some sitting in their food bowls, but as they looked. . . . one caught their eye.  It was the most perfect looking baby boy they had EVER seen.  I mean, this baby boy made the one they already had look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  (This was me if you haven't guessed by now)  I was sitting in my cage WORKING IT!!!!!  I had my diaper hanging a little low so I looked cool.  I was sitting in my cage leaning back against the rear wall and I was popping my baby food in my mouth like the Romans used to do.  There was a glow. . . . THAT'S RIGHT. . . . A GLOW, coming from inside the cage because of just how perfect I was.  I'm also picturing sun glasses, but I'm not sure how I would have gotten a hold of a pair, so I guess I will leave them out.  If we would have been in Rome, I would have been called GREATICUS BABICUS!!!! 

Their jaws hit the ground and they knew they had to have me.  They were just so shocked that I was still available, so they asked one of the workers what the story was on me.  The worker told them that I had just appeared like magic a couple of hours before they arrived.  One second the cage was empty, then I was just there.  It was like the Heaven's opened up and shot me down directly for them.  They took one more look at my greatness and I gave them the CUTEST wink that they ever did see and I also gave them that little finger gun thing like I was shooting at them.  If they could have heard inside my cage, they would have heard me say, "Goo. . . Goo".   They immediately signed the paperwork and after paying $3.52 for me, I was loaded up in the car to be taken to my new home. 

(Scream goes blurry again as we come back from fantasy land)

Adoption or no adoption, there is nothing like a Mother's love for their child.  Now I might get some flack for this, but I had the greatest Mother in the WORLD.  She didn't give birth to me, but she loved me the second she saw me, (I know.  Who doesn't RIGHT?).  From the second I was in her arms, I was her child and that is what Motherhood is all about.  She would protect me, guide me, punish me (which I swear she enjoyed that), wash my mouth out with soap, love me, and be there for me in whatever capacity she was needed.  She put herself second and her children first, except for when it came to our dog Benji that we later got, then it was Benji, Kids, THEN her.

I could make you laugh with story after story with all the different times I got in trouble, but this isn't the time or place for that.  Nope, this one is to share the love that I have had for my Mother my entire life.  She didn't HAVE to be a Mother, she CHOSE TO BE A MOTHER.  That right there should tell you all you need to know about my Mom.  She wanted kids, and even though God didn't give her the ability to have any of her own, she did everything in her power to get three kids to love.  Even though the first two kids were duds, she ended up with the glowing perfect baby, ME, in the end.  You know what they say, the third times the charm. 

I am lucky enough to still have my Mother with me today.  I actually work with her in real estate, so I get the joy, sometimes, of being around her day after day.  Even though she's 80 now and I have noticed changes in her, there is one thing that is still the same.  SHE LOVES ME WITH ALL OF HER HEART.   She is still there for me when I need her, she still protects me from what she can, she still would wash my mouth out with soap if I gave her a reason, and she is still there for me in whatever capacity I need her.  It's funny, but being we are in real estate together, she always has told me that I can call her Betty when we are doing business, but something about that just doesn't feel right, to me, she will ALWAYS be MOM!!!! 

The Sweitzer Team

***I just made the mistake of letting her read a little of this so she is now rattling off story after story of things I should tell you about my childhood.  Like the way she used to turn the playpen upside down over me so she could take a shower because I was an escape artist, or the time she took me at 2 years old to a funeral two states away and how perfect I was all the way until I walked into the funeral and decided to begin laughing loud and hard with NOTHING being able to stop me.  She keeps saying things, but I will stop there.   (There Mom.  Those are for you.)

So if you are lucky enough to still have your Mother around like I am, BE THANKFUL and let her know that you are.  If your Mother is no longer with you, then take a moment on Mother's Day to say Thank You to her because we all know she can still hear you.  If you are married and you have children, make sure you let your wife know that you appreciate her and take your cheap butt out to the store and get her something from the kids.  It's the very least you can do.  Mother's Day is for that person in your life that has been there for you.  It might not even be your real Mother, but someone that has been a Mother figure to you.  TELL THEM THANKS!!!!!  Let us celebrate the Mothers this Sunday with all the respect and love that we can give them, because remember Fathers,  Father's Day is coming too and we want gifts also!!!!!

I'm going to wrap this puke up with a poem that I wrote last year for my Mom.  You don't have to keep reading if you don't want to see my "soft" side, but I got tears from her off of this puppy, so I'm going to share it.  Plus she wanted me to put it on here, so I'm going to obey her.  Ain't I a great son???

It's Mother's Day

Throughout my life and all it brings,
There always seems few constant things.
Taxes are high and bills need paid,
but those aren't something that God has made.

What God did for me, 41 years ago,
Was bring me into love and let me grow.
He gave me a Mom that would be there for me,
Two parents in love, that was plain to see.

You showed me the way to grow up with big smiles,
You showed me your strength through the toughest of miles.
You taught me to try even when I might fail,
You held my small hand and were the wind in my sail.

Now years have passed by and one thing stays true,
All that you taught me still gets me through.
I still see your strength through the tough times of life,
I still see your love no matter the strife.

I might still fall down, but I know that you'll be,
Right beside me Mom, to comfort me.
You put yourself aside to make sure we're OK,
But sometimes you need me and so I will say.

Mom, I love you with all that I am.
I thank you for loving me, and offer all that I can.
I know that the road has been crushing at times,
Losses felt forever, the grief felt sometimes.

Just know that I'm there with you, even in spirit
The wind in YOUR sails and I want you to hear it.
I'm so thankful you're my mother and God had His way,
On giving me the best Mom on this Mother's Day!!!!

                                                                                                                      



So to my Mom, I say I love you with all my heart and thank you for choosing to have me in your life.  You are an inspiration to me and I will always thank God for placing me into your home. 

So to my Wife, I say I love you too with all my heart and thank you for being such a wonderful mother to your children.  You use your love to help guide their way and I am truly honored to be able to share this trip with you. 

And to all the Mother's out there I say, "Don't be sad because your didn't get a child as perfect as me.  We can't all win the lottery.  Only MY Mom did." 

Seriously though, thank you all for taking on one of the toughest jobs in the world and never complaining about it.  You are loved and you are respected and you truly do deserve to have your own day.  Make this day all about you and enjoy all the blessings that go with Motherhood.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!

Smile!!!